can i be assertive without being aggressive?

Just like any other soft skill assertiveness is a skill that can be learned and it's not something that some people are born with.

Assertiveness is based on the concept of not letting go of your rights by not being overly nice and in the same time not being aggressive.

How to be assertive without being aggressive

Assertiveness is sometimes called the art of saying no because some people have developed the bad habit of saying yes all the time even if it goes against their own will. In such a case those people can protect their rights by being assertive without appearing aggressive.

The good news is that assertiveness can be learned by training. Just follow the below guidelines and within few weeks of practice you will turn into an assertive person:

Think before you act: Whenever you are asked for a favor stop and think about it first. Put in mind that you are not obligated to do it and that if it goes against your interests then you must say NO. This may not be as easy as it sounds but as the time passes you will get used to it and it will become an easy task
Stand up for your rights without being aggressive: Whenever you find that your rights are being violated stand up for them. For example if someone took your turn in a queue then talk to him immediately and tell him something like "hey, am sorry but I came here before you, I know that you may want to go home early but I want that too and that's why i came before you". Its extremely important not to be aggressive while practicing assertiveness so that people don't resist you. If you didn't become assertive then your subconscious mind will record each situation where your rights were violated and then it will make you feel depressed after some time because of them
Use I statements to sound more assertive: Use "I" statements. For example " I cant concentrate while that noise is present" or "I don't want to go for a walk now, I prefer to do something else"
Use assertive body language: Your
body language can either support your assertiveness or make you seem like a terrified insecure person who lost his temper. Stand upright with your shoulders stretched, plant both of your feet on the ground, maintain a positive eye contact and don't fold your arms
Don't be Aggressive: Finally, don't be aggressive, people will either hate you or resist you if you became aggressive. just be as assertive as you can without showing any signs of aggression

Assertiveness and aggression in relationships

Assertiveness can save your relationship. Many relationships are ruined because some people lack the ability to state their needs and wants assertively.

In my book, The ultimate guide to maintaining a healthy relationship i explained how the lack of assertiveness can lead to frustration. After all if you never talked about the things that bother you then you will become frustrated. This frustration will turn into aggression and you will reach a point where you will tell your partner "I can't take it anymore". Assertiveness can let you avoid all of these problems because it prevents the accumulation of feelings that might lead to frustration.

2knowmysef is not a complicated medical website nor it’s a boring online encyclopedia but it’s a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is presented in a simple and obvious way. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about 2knowmyself.The book How to make someone fall in love with you was released by 2knowmyself.com; the book will dramatically increase your chance of letting someone fall in love with you.

Did that help?

How to be assertive Part II

how to have a strong personality

More information about body language?

How to get over anyone in few days (book)

How to make anyone fall in love with me fast (book)

How to end Depression instantly (book)

How to control people's minds (Course)

How to develop rock solid self confidence fast (course)

Hundreds of Psychology Videos

2knowmyself Best Selling Books